by The Sheriff of Nottingham
in Prince William County

The Sheriff has confirmed that Big Bird has been moved to a safe house right here in Prince William County as of Sunday, October 7, 2012.

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney went on the attack against Big Bird claiming the time had come to end taxpayer subsidies of the Public Broadcasting System (PBS), and Big Bird.  Big Bird handlers, fearing Romney would likely start poking around at the financial records and the huge money Big Bird rakes in, decided to find a safe house to keep Big Bird throughout the remainder of the presidential campaign.

Prince William County is the perfect place to hide Big Bird.

The Sheriff has learned that Big Bird will be kept at night at the Hylton Performing Arts Center.  Hylton is ideal because the Center is a virtual fortress against prying taxpayer eyes to look at books, records, or whatever else goes on there.

In the mornings, Supervisor Wally Covington has arranged for Big Bird to take rides on horses at the Rainbow Riding Center (a la Silver Lake Riding Center per Dom Peacor).

Then there are also a number of exciting things being planned for Big Bird for the afternoons.

Supervisor Maureen Caddigan is arranging for Big Bird to go to the Marine Museum to look at all the tribute bricks there.  Word is Maureen will encourage Big Bird to buy a brick or to before Mitt Romney strips PBS of public money.  Ms. Caddigan also offered to read to Big Bird at night at the Hylton because she frequently visits at night to sit in her $5,000 seats — Caddigan does not want taxpayers to think their money went to waste — and she puts the engraved plaques on the seats when she visits (she uses velcro to attach and reattach the plaques).

Supervisor Marty Nohe is arranging for Big Bird to play in a softball game in the Coles District.  That, of course, is on the field with the big and beautiful “Thank You Marty Nohe, Coles District Supervisor” Banner.  Nohe is ordering a uniform with Nohe’s name on the back so Big Bird will look like all of the other kids who have Nohe’s name on their uniform shirts.

Supervisor Frank Principi is planning to have Big Bird go to the Library where the new patio is being constructed and where all the tribute bricks to the members of the Board of County Supervisors are being installed.  Mr. Principi is also lobbying for a quick visit to his community health center in the hope of getting a bump in subsidies from Big Bird’s pal, Barack Obama.

Chairman Stewart is arranging a tour of the planned Rt. 1 corridor road project, a briefing on the new $25 million stadium, and then a private showing at the Manassas Ballet to see if Big Bird can pick out the illegal alien who dances in the troupe using Prince William County taxpayer money.  If Big Bird can’t tell who the Rusky ballet dancer is, then Mr. Stewart will be able to sleep better at night.  Chairman Stewart is trying to keep this visit under wraps to keep Supervisor Nohe from insisting on a encore presentation on stage with the ballet troupe during the Big Bird visit.

Supervisor Jenkins will take Big Bird to a board meeting of the Boys and Girls Club to plan for the next gala in the hope Big Bird can give Big John his Annual Appreciation Award at the next Gala.  Ernestine will be busy copying invitations at Supervisor Jenkins’ office for everyone to join Big Bird at this event.

Supervisor Mike May will take Big Bird to visit the Red Cross to see what it takes to become a Red Cross Hero and encourage him to use the PBS credit card to reserve his place on the Heroes Award before Romney jerks the PBS taxpayer funding.

Supervisor Pete Candland has offered to take Big Bird to a movie if needed, but says Big Bird will have to pay his own way.

That Supervisor Candland is a real Party Pooper, isn’t he?

Filmmaker Michael Moore will do a documentary film of the Big Bird banishment to show the horrible effects on a County when taxpayer money is stripped from the hands of the Supervisors to dole out to their friends.

Big Bird handlers assure The Sheriff that Vice President Biden will still be able to work on his debate prep with Big Bird.

by The Sheriff of Nottingham
in Prince William County

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